Crate & Barrel Is A Waste of Time

Well, at least Store 46 (650 Madison Ave (59th street) in New York) is. Let me explain.

After work, the girl and I go to Crate & Barrel to register up, because we’re an aspirational couple that isn’t afraid to let the world know that we are the kind of people who imagine that one day we’ll host a fancy pants dinner party where our guests will be eating smart and stylish food from modernist wave rimmed white bowls, instead of the much more likely sang-gyop-sal party featuring burning pork fat mixed with plastic plates and paper towel napkins sopping up puddles left by the dripping wet lettuce baskets. That is, if we’re not too busy mopping up bits of creamed carrots that the baby has thrown against the floor and table and ceiling (why always the ceiling?!), mopping it up with our bleach stained shirts. But a couple on the verge of an expensive wedding can dream, and we dream of Crate & Barrel (because we’re not one of THOSE couples that register at Williams Sonoma and their $87 pepper mills).

There’s only one person manning the gift registry counter, which is not all that unusual, and they’re helping some other couple, which is cool. So we have a seat, and chat, and wait. And wait. And wait a little more. Apparently it wasn’t clear to anyone that we were waiting to register up, and the helpful security guard went ahead and got us some help, so props to him. I guess in hindsight I should have interrupted the prior couple and made it abundantly clear that I was also waiting, like a self centered jerk. Because being nice and polite just gets you ignored in this town. I forgot that fact. Whatevs.

So the lady walks us through the procedure, gets us a scanner, notes that the store is closing in the next 15 minutes, and we’re off to the races. And race we do. Because we wasted about 15 minutes waiting, like chumps, so there’s not much time to actually shop. None of the employees were rushing us along, which I thought was nice, but now I realize they were totally ignoring us, which will turn out to be disastrous in just a few minutes. Obviously there’s not enough time, so we scan up a few items and then head back to the kiosk to load them up and at least get the registry started so we can modify it at home or come back to the store.

We plug in, download, and walk through 10 page of setup on the kiosk, when someone decides to power cycle the entire rear of the store, turning off all the kiosks at once. Nobody bothered to check if anyone was using the rear kiosks, because they were too busy ignoring customers. All of the scanned items? Gone. Registry setup? Gone (because we hadn’t advanced far enough to get to the part where we save the registry). Past 40 minutes of our lives? Gone.  IT”S ALL GONE.

So thank you, Crate & Barrel store #46, for completely wasting our time. COMPLETELY WASTING OUR TIME. If it was up to me, we’d take our aspirational window shopping someplace else (not Williams Sonoma, heaven forbid). Count yourself lucky that the girl likes your wares and that IKEA doesn’t have a wedding registry. *shakes fist*

Wait, We Have to Pay For Flowers?

The first time I asked at the church about their recommended florist, I was told that the church gets flowers anyway, so I need not worry about the matter. Which was a relief, as the church is kind of big, and it would take a lot of flowers to fill it.

But then we got to thinking, if we have to get flowers for the reception, why not go with the vendor for the church. Probably the church is getting a discount, why not repay that kindness by using them as our florist. So we asked a second time who the florist is, and oddly enough we were told that it’s not something we have to worry about. The lady in charge of flowers for the church was a bit reluctant or ignorant as to whom the florist was.

Oddly enough, some old lady overheard our conversation, and literally dragged us away (for a small lady with a cane, she was suprisingly strong) to talk with some other ladies (manning the book store), and we managed to get the florists’ business card. If it wasn’t the for the old lady, we would have had no idea who the florist is, and probably would have given up at that point.

As it turns out, the summer months are usually flower-less, so we’re going to have to buy flowers for the church anyway (fudge!). But the initial quote is coming within range of our budget (embarrassingly, I had no idea what our budget for flowers was when we were meeting with the florist) so that’s good so far. Since we haven’t actually taken delivery (or given a deposit), I can’t yet recommend them, but if it’s good enough for a church with 4 sunday masses …

Casa Flora
47-44 Bell Blvd
Bayside, NY 11361
(718)224-1719
http://www.casaflorany.com/

Peek to Customers: Drop Dead

Back a while ago, I mentioned that I was a former Peek customer. And a kinda loyal one at that. I got the Peek Pronto, lost it, and purchased a Peek Classic, switched to Blackberry and yet kept the Peek (with the attendant monthly service charge) as a backup. I would still be a customer except that, about a year ago, they told me and their entire customer case to go fuck ourselves. I didn’t take too kindly to that, and three months later they actually honored my request to cancel billing. After numerous online threats. And emails. And angry rants on their facebook page. It’s funny how the automatic billing was the only part of Peek that had 100% uptime and reliable 24/7 service.

(The possibly real backstory is that their Gateway intermediary to the T-Mobile network dropped them. Either early, or maybe late, or maybe without notice, but it meant that all those sim chips and all those IMEIs in the handheld devices were permanently turned off. The solution was to swap out the entire user base with new sim cards, and then reflash the devices with upgraded firmware with the new IMEIs. Overnight. Without notice. This part I was not actually upset about. The peek service was a backup, not mission critical. The part I got mad about was the fact that I read about it in Engadget a few weeks after the fact, never got the supposed emails that went out explaining everything and offering to fix things, and they billed me for 5 months after I requested they cancel my service.)

The part where Peek told their entire user base to fuck themselves was the bait and switch, where the CEO/President made public statements that all the hardware would be replaced FOR FREE. That was the bait part, and it worked like a charm, garnering lots of good press for a catastrophic event. The switch came a few days later, after all the tech blogs moved onto the next story, where the free part was replaced by $1 plus $6.95 shipping and handling, the so-called Lemonade Offer (because when a company tells you to go fuck yourself, you pay the company $8 to give you powdered drink mix lemonade). Of course, people were not happy about any of this, and many people just simply canceled at that point. I did, because if I want to deal with a mobile company that’s actively trying to screw me over, I already have a cell phone plan for that, thankyouverymuch.

So what do you do when you’re a company busy screwing your customers, losing customers, and generally circling the drain? You make a desperate sale offer for some easy upfront cash and worry about the future later.

And the future looks kinda bleak. Smartphones do everything the Peek does, but better and faster. Feature phones are cheap, but now have mobile web. Peek + cheap phone plan = same cost as regular phone plan on basic model smartphone (with the added benefit of having 2 heavy bulky hardware items to carry around instead of just 1). And you have no subscribers, except the ones that gave you all the money upfront which you’ve since spent and are now obligated to provide a service with no additional income. If you’re Peek, you’re screwed because YOU HAVE NO FUTURE. If only you had launched your product a few years earlier … except that someone did and it was called  Research In Motion.

So you change the business plan entirely, you get out of the hardware business, you get out of the retail business, you repurpose your tech to serve as an enterprise vendor for carriers who want to add rich communication services to their cheap feature phones. (This is actually a good plan, btw). But what to do with your old customers? You remember them, the guys that stuck by you in your darkest hour, your most loyal fans, the ones that gave you enough cash to survive long enough for this crazy new plan to actually hatch and maybe work? If you’re Amol Sarva and your company is named Peek, YOU TELL THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES AGAIN (maybe they didn’t get the memo back in Nov 2010).

Now, let me be clear, the old business model doesn’t work anymore, these customers were losing their “lifetime” service. My objection is to how Peek treats it’s clients. The fact of the matter is that the  Lifetime offer was a desperate immediate cash grab now in exchange for a very uncertain future. But it was marketed as Lifetime, not Unlimited. Lifetime implies that you’ll be providing this service for a long time, Unlimited no limits for now, but makes no statement about the future. Unlimited is a more honest description. Secondly, Peek didn’t shut down, it didn’t go bankrupt. Bankruptcy is something people understand and can deal with. “Oh well, that offer did seem too good to be true, Amol’s comments about how it was untenable were right, the company went broke. Too bad.” Reform the assets and the tech around a new company, fire and rehire the talent, and move forward. Peek was a good idea that just couldn’t compete, but out of the ashes, CloudQuickster was born! (Wait, that name might have already been used by another company that just told  all it’s customers to go screw themselves.) INSTEAD, Peek raised another round of funding, and then told all their most loyal and die hard customers that we were quite surprised so many of your were so  stupid to have actually still been using our obviously terrible and money losing service. We’re turning off the lights, giving away the terrible hardware (so long as you pay for your own shipping), and doing something else for someone else and we don’t need or care about you any longer. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Thanks for the cash, suckers, and FUCK YOU. (The Fuck You refers to the fact that people got email telling them of the service shutdown a day after the service actually shut down.)

tl;dr, I KNOW.

Here’s the short version: Peek is a company that specializes in innovative communication solutions and is TERRIBLE at communicating to their paying customers. Peek will take your money and then leave you hanging high and dry, all while laughing at you during interviews afterwards. Peek is unreliable. Peek has completely and permanently canceled service to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR CUSTOMERS … TWICE … IN TWO YEARS (Nov 2010, Jan 2012).

DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH PEEK. EVER!

Review: Global New Beginnings Inc DV136ZB Digital Video Camera

They sell batteries at Home Depot. Ridiculously large amounts of batteries. Nearly wholesale bulk packages of batteries. Some, like AA size, are useful. Others, like the 20 pack of Duracell AAA batters, with 5 free batteries, because 20 wasn’t enough, simply leave you wondering what possible use could someone have for so many AAA batteries.

I have finally found the answer, my friend, and it is the Global New Beginnings Inc DV136Z8 Digital Video Camera, better known as the free camcorder Staples gives you if you buy $85 of stuff from their website and are a registered user with Staples.

But first, let’s talk specs. According to the fun stickers affixed on the brandless body, it’s got a 3.1 megapixel camera, 4x digital zoom, and it records digital movies (in avi format). Resolution maxes out at 640×480 and 30fps. There is custom white balance options> the camera mode upshoots to 2048×1536 resolution. There is a pair of LED lights for low light shooting, although it only illuminates up to 12 inches in front of the camera. There is a normal and a macro mode, although it seems to be stuck on macro mode all the time. SD memory card slot at the bottom, AV and usb ports, with included cables, software, and a manual that actually makes sense and is easy to read. In English! This last one is a biggie, as my $1500 Nikon camera could not accomplish such a simple task.

As this is now my THIRD time writing this part of the post (That would be a FAIL wordpress, FAIL!) I will skip the 3 paragraphs of exposition to break it down quick. It’s OK for 2002 technology, but your smartphone will do it better. Plus, it eats batteries for lunch. I tried to record a 30 second clip, but it kept draining out the batteries (fresh new alkelines, recharged NiMH, didn’t matter) so fast that all I could manage were two 7 second clips. That’s right, it craps out after SEVEN SECONDS OF RECORDING. Oh, and the pictures it takes aren’t much better:

Also, night recording is crappy and features a lot of hot pixels. And not to beat a dead horse, but there’s no direct AC input either, so you are hostage to its battery eating demands.

If you ever get one of these, don’t bother opening the box, send it straight to landfill. That is all.